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Ruin a Life Contest
The "Ruin a Life" contest is a recurring event run by Kakos Industries, in which contestants enter a drawing, and whoever wins gets to ruin the life of their nemesis. The nature of the life-ruining is determined by the spin of the Wheel of Misery, and the winner/punishment is annouced by Corin Deeth III in each broadcast. Though the winner's nemesis has their life ruined, the winner also usually suffers some form of punishment, often thematically related. List of Winners/Punishments *'Episode 1:' Thomas Andreson won the drawing, ruining the life of Gary Walla by dooming him to never having enough toilet paper. However, a skinhead was hired to kick Thomas in the balls. *'Episode 2:' Myrtle de las Rosas won the drawing, ruining the life of Conie Ling by dooming her to bad taste (in people, music, etc.) However, Myrtle was informed of a pain in her chest that may need medical attention. *'Episode 3:' Marilyn Cooper won the drawing, ruining the life of Danny Dunes by dooming her to indistinguishable, boring dreams. However, Marilyn may or may not eventually wake up with a missing ring finger. *'Episode 4:' Dana Thurman won the drawing, ruining the life of Alana Francis by dooming her to be more attractive. However, Dana will become more "interesting" to look at. *'Episode 5:' Jenny Wilkinson won the drawing, ruining the life of Harry Petrovic by dooming him to be heterosexual. However, Jenny Wilkinson will no longer be bisexual. *'Episode 6:' Jan Stan won the drawing, ruining the life of Bob Cobb by dooming him to have blue skin. However, Jan's nipples will also be blue. *'Episode 7:' "Florencia" won the drawing, ruining the life of The Artist Rarely Referred to as Dantesco by dooming Dantesco to be better at art (to the point of despising his previous art for its lack of quality). However, "Florencia" will be left just as she is. The "Better at Art" space is a new space on the wheel, seemingly added especially for Dantesco. *'Episode 8:' Danny Morton won the drawing, and chose his mother, Angela Whitney-Morton, to have her life ruined. The wheel refused to spin, since it didn't think it could do anything worse to Angela than her having such a terrible fucking child. However, Danny was also left alone. *'Episode 9:' Some slime won the drawing. The name it selected appeared to be GOOOOOAAARRRRROOOOO, and the wheel decided this GOOOOOAAARRRRROOOOO's life would be best ruined if it were swept unceremoniously into a gutter. However, the slime was washed down the sink. *'Episode 10:' Joe (no last name given) won the drawing, ruining the life of Joe (may or may not be the same person) by dooming him to be taken apart and put back together slightly differently. However, the same thing will happen to the first Joe, if they are indeed two different people. Alternately, they might just be body swapped. *'Episode 11:' Andrew Geraldson won the drawing, ruining the life of Barry Barry Barry by dooming him to have really thick hair, which will also have a mind of its own. However, Andrew will have a really annoying laugh. *'Episode 12:' Dana Mabel won the drawing, ruining the life of Annie McHatty by dooming her to be thorny. However, Dana will still have to work with Annie. *'Episode 13: '''Dolores Flores won the drawing, ruining the life of Cameron Duffy by dooming him to be really sticky. However, Dolores will be 10% slipperier. *'Episode 14: Aaron Baloney won the drawing, ruining the life of Monica Maloney by dooming her to have her egg cells replaced by synthetic and experimental egg cells from Kakos Industries' stock. However, Aaron's semen will be made of fire. *'Episode 15: '''Elaine Chainey won the drawing, ruining the life of Florence Divino by dooming her to be itchy. However, Elaine's skin will be slightly less sensitive overall. *'Episode 17: Olga Carolla won the drawing, ruining the life of Carl Marlowe by dooming him to have his greatest dream come true, and hopefully also be his own personal hell. However, Olga's worst nightmare will come true at some point. **It was revealed in Episode 18 that Carl's greatest desire was a zombie apocalypse. Carl had been preparing for such an event, and he, along with his friends, family and neighbors, were not initially infected. He died when 15 zombies ambushed him on the toilet. *'Episode 18:' Paula Deen Goldberg won the drawing, ruining the life of Tobias Nanananana. However, the wheel of misery selected zombie apocalypse as the appropriate punishment, and the effects of the previous zombie apocalypse had not yet been undone, so Tobias was otherwise left alone. Tobias and Paula were both bitten, and Paula's arm was severed. *'Episode 19:' Delilah Maliya won the drawing, ruining the life of Hal Hansen by dooming him to have twisted bones. However, Delilah will notice a slight scoliosis. **Also, as punishment for causing a near-apocalypse, the Damnation and Ruination Squad were doomed to wear ridiculous costumes. *'Episode 20:' Oopsie Doopsie Smythe won the drawing, ruining the lives of her parents by dooming them to be chased by scary vines. However, Oopsie Doopsie will have trouble growing plants or fingernails in the future. *'Episode 21:' Dayo Dikeledi won the drawing, ruining the life of Amanda Rhode by dooming her to have really thin skin. However, Dayo will have really thick skin. *'Episode 22: '''DarkMegaMonaco won the drawing, ruining the "life" of DarkMegaLichtenstein by dooming it to be cheesier. However, DarkMegaMonaco will be slightly heavier. *'Episode 23:' Tanya Katic won the drawing, ruining the life of a sofa, by dooming it to be de-sofa'd. However, Tanya will also be de-sofa'd. *'Episode 24: Harold Fleek won the drawing, ruining the life of Quincey Ince by dooming him to a flavor swap (salty things taste sweet, sweet things taste sour, etc.). However, Harold will only be able to taste on the left side. *'''Episode 25: Thomas Kublai Khan won the drawing, ruining the life of Harold Liu Bei by dooming him to have an experience he can never explain away. However, Thomas will inexplicably be really good at whale oil harvesting. *'Episode 26:' Dale Flail won the drawing, ruining the life of Denise Fleece by dooming her to be forever unrefined (asymetrical looks, sloppy work, etc.). However Dale will never get a date with a woman. *'Episode 27:' Petra Lebenev wins the drawing, ruining the life of Izabel Duate by dooming her to have one useless wing. However, Petra will be unable to imagine what wings look like ever again. *'Episode 28: '''Ross Moss won the drawing, ruining the life of his parrot, Mickey, by dooming him to a greatly extended lifespan. However, Ross will still have to deal with Mickey. *'Episode 29:' Rini Steen won the drawing, ruining the life of Polystyrene Jenkins, by dooming her to be broken into tiny pieces. However, Rini will lose a piece. *'Episode 30: Lucy Goosey won the drawing. When her request to ruin the life of "a person of my choosing at a later date" was denied, she arbitrarily chose weatherman Herbert Bone. Herbert will be followed by a low pressure zone, which will likely create a small personal raincloud above his head. However, Lucy will just be kind of wet. All over. *'Episode 31: '''Gabrielle Pipedew won the drawing, ruining the life of Thompson Hook by dooming him to have an insatiable lust for butt stuff. However, Gabrielle will like butt stuff less and not know why. *'Episode 32: Fujiko Thompson won the drawing, ruining the life of the King of the Mole People by dooming him to be full of holes. However, Fujiko will have one extra hole. *'Episode 33:' Greg Googlymoogly won the drawing, ruining the life of Everett Muth by dooming him to feel as if he is upside down. However, one of Greg's organs will be turned upside down inside of him. *'Episode 34:' A solid black square won the drawing, ruining the life of a solid black equilateral triangle by dooming it to have one obtuse angle. However, the square will become a pentagon. *'Episode 35: '''Bambi Porkle won the drawing, ruining the life of Theodora Sphank by dooming her to have a heavy head. However, Bambi will be light headed. *'Episode 36: Thomas, the Genetically Modified Ape won the drawing, ruining the life of Joseph Lobe by dooming him to be ape-ified. However, Thomas will be human-ified, and given a job testing apes. **This was presumably the first time an employee of Kakos Industries was either the winner or the ruin-ee, as Joseph was a researcher at the Division of Primates and Super Primates. *'Episode 37: '''Paula Crumb won the drawing, ruining the life of Michael Puck by dooming him to be constantly on fire. However, Paula will be constantly warm. *'Episode 38: Algernon Powell won the drawing, ruining the life of Guy Pink by dooming him to have his intentions be questionable to other people. However, Algernon's intentions will always be clear. *'Episode 39:' Beatrice Flounder won the drawing, ruining the life of Helen Mellon by dooming her to question her own intentions. However, Beatrice will know exactly why she does what she does. *'Episode 40:' Aeela Dafina won the drawing, ruining the life of Donald Trein by dooming him to retail. However, Aeela will have problems with retail. *'Episode 41: '''Paul Rathjen won the drawing, ruining the life of Giovanni Penelis by dooming him to sweat blood. However, Paul will bleed sweat. *'Episode 42:' Jeremy Bannerjee won the drawing, ruining the life of Tony Sardonica by dooming him to have too much foreskin. However, Jeremy will have less foreskin. *'Episode 43:' Kareem Tompkins won the drawing, ruining the life of a goose from the park that he likes to go to, by dooming it to be gluten intolerent. However, Kareem will be periodically force fed. *'Episode 44:' Benny the Pussy Master won the drawing. He originally wrote "I love to slay that pussy" in the nemesis slot, but when asked to choose an actual person, selected his elementary school teacher, who will be doomed to have difficulty with words. However, if Benny thinks the words "I love to slay that pussy" again, his head might explode. *'Episode 45:' Hamilton Scone won the drawing, ruining the life of Dr. Andrew Mobskopper (who was missing at the time) by dooming him to have someone always know where he is and what he is doing. However, Hamilton will be unknown to everyone, including himself. *'Episode 46: William McGullicuddy won the drawing, ruining the life of Nestor Clementine by dooming him to be less of a communist. However, William became more of a communist. (This episode dates back to 1966, and then-CEO Corin Deeth notes that the wheel has, or had, several spaces having to do with communism.) *'Episode 48: '''An unknown person won the drawing and ruined the life of one of Corin's supporters by dooming him to be chalky. *'Episode 51: Dudley Abednigo won the drawing, ruining the life of Alistair Whitney Smith by dooming him to climax too quickly. However, Dudley will climax a little too late. List of Episodes without a Winner * Episode 16 (Do Not Be Alarmed): During this episode, Corin was dealing with Helena, a sentient security system obsessed with Corin and his safety. * Episode 47: During this episode, Corin and his supporters were hidning in Junior's lair after Belladonica's takeover of Kakos Industries. As such, he was not in contact with the Damnation and Ruination Squad and had no idea whether or not they ruined a life, or if so, who or how. ** Episode 49: This is still the case. ** Episode 50: '''The Damnation and Ruination Squad are in Junior's Lair at this point, but refuse to talk to anyone else. It is unclear whether they are still holding the drawing. Intercepted Broadcasts In the Intercepted Broadcasts, Melantha Murther parodies the Ruin-a-Life Drawing by ruining some lives of her own. * '''Episode 30B: Melantha unceremoniously shoots someone (or has them shot). * Episode 40B: Melantha speaks the word "gravy", and as a result, someone's life is ruined by falling into a pit.